Toxic Jobs and the Trap of Corporate Stockholm Syndrome
Why your toxic job might have you rooting for the bad guys
One of my co-workers gave me the news he was finally going to resign after receiving a better offer from another company.
I was so happy for him, he was finally getting out of this clusterf**k ,while the rest of us were so drained, we did not even have the energy to apply for other jobs anymore.
His new job offered him 15K more, which is a substantial increase and he would no longer have to face the crazy payroll deadlines, working 65+ hours a week, dealing with really irate clients etc.
But he had second thoughts.
He told our leadership team he got an offer on the table and asked for a raise to match his current offer, which would convince him to stay. Despite him being one of the top performers and literally working day and night, the answer was no.
When I asked him why he was even considering staying, given how crazy this environment is, the answer got me thinking.
“I feel like I poured my DNA into this job and felt bad for leaving all I have built behind and starting from scratch” he said.
No, buddy, what you have is chronic Corporate Stockholm Syndrome.
Understanding Corporate Stockholm Syndrome
Stockholm syndromeis a way of understanding the emotional response some people have toward a captor or an abuser.It can happen to victims after spending long periods of time with their abuser, and they start having positive feelings or manifest attachment toward their abuser.
In a similar vein, when trapped in a toxic job where working insane hours is the norm and clients are as perpetually irate as Tasmanian devils interrupted during mating season, it’s all too easy for this environment to consume your identity.
How Employees Develop Corporate Stockholm Syndrome?
When you work in a toxic environment, you gradually become desensitised towards toxic behaviour, leading to acceptance and rationalisation.
You see everyone else going through the same sh*t storms, working long hours and you slowly begin to normalise it in your head.
Peer pressure is real. As social creatures, we tend to fall to the whims of our “tribe” whether it be our social circle or work circle.
And if everyone else brags in meetings how they were working from 3 am or 4 am till late at night, you will start thinking you are the only “lazy” person in the group and succumb to the pressure.
What Are the Consequences?
When your whole identity and self worth is tied to your role or your job title, because that’s all you live and breathe, the consequences are dire.
From burnout, mental health issues, chronic stress all the way down to damaged personal relationships and loss of self worth.
I had colleagues who poured their heart, sweat, blood and tears into their roles and eventually got made redundant.
As you might imagine, when all you do for 2–3 years is work like a robot, the feeling of losing your identity and self worth is very real and very painful, when the job is taken away from you (voluntarily or not).
And when you eventually find a new job, you tend to attract…another abusive employer.
That’s because you did not resolve this, you did not learn how to set healthy boundaries, you did not learn to put yourself first.
How To Break Free From Corporate Stockholm Syndrome?
The first step is having awareness that you are in a toxic environment and also have a toxic relationship with this environment.
It’s hard for anyone who has not gone through this to understand. I once had a bit of an argument with my father-in-law as he just could not understand why I was sacrificing all my personal time and weekends for a job.
I responded that I was happy with my pay and everyone worked as hard as I did.
But in reality, I did not admit, not even to myself, that I was in a toxic relationship with my job.
In the end, I learnt to build boundaries, and am still working on this every day.
A Final Thought
In the pursuit of career success, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters — your mental health, your relationships and well-being.
No job, no matter how good the pay or how prestigious the company is, is worth sacrificing your peace of mind.
Put yourself first, because you are meant to work to live, not live to work.
This article has been originally published on Medium under a slightly different title, within the “Career Paths” publication.
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